What Does a Good 1-on-1 Look Like?

I have been talking about one-on-one discussions with other leaders more often lately. Nowadays, people can easily switch teams and companies, making building a solid relationship between managers and team members more crucial than ever.

Have you been wondering how to encourage your team to open up more about what's happening? Are you concerned you're losing touch with your team's day-to-day activities? Or are you aware of what they are working on but don't have enough information to determine if they're making the right decisions on the ground? You may have also noticed that your team members' skills aren't improving as they should.

Regular and well-structured one-on-ones can be a great way to establish better relationships and more robust communication channels with your team. Throughout my career as a leader, I have held regular one-on-ones with over a hundred individuals and found the timing and structure that works well for me.

A one-on-one is not!

Let's talk about what a one-on-one is not. A one-on-one is not when you casually stop by their desk and ask, "How's it going? Are there any issues?" Your team member will often give you the old thumbs up, and you move on to the next desk. These flybys are positive.  I believe a manager should talk to everyone on their team daily, which is a great way to keep on top of daily issues or celebrate successes. They don't replace a good one-on-one, though.

Similarly, having an open-door policy is not a substitute for a one-on-one. Your team knows they can talk to you, but if a strong relationship doesn't exist, you will only see them once the problem is too severe. Understand that your team thinks you are always busy and will not want to interrupt you with things that are not important. No leader in their right mind would say they have a closed-door policy. Don't be the person who leans on your open door as a replacement for good communication.

Communicating with your team is the most essential and best use of your time!

A one-on-one is!

Good one-on-ones are regularly scheduled and recurring discussions.  They also have a good structure, allowing both of you to feel comfortable saying what needs to be said and leave feeling heard.

Regularly Scheduled

Regularly scheduled one-on-one meetings are on your and your team members' calendars, with sufficient preparation time. Don't surprise people with a last-minute one-on-one if you can avoid it! Last-minute meetings often cause team members to stress leading up to the meeting, which may set the relationship back for some of the conversation.

They should also be scheduled at a frequency that allows you to talk comfortably to each other and cover everything that needs to be said in the time allotted for one-on-ones. Some team members may need these more frequently, and some may need them less.

You should never go more than 4 weeks without a good one-on-one conversation with your direct reports; skip levels may differ. I always recommend starting with every 2 weeks and adjusting more or less frequently over time. After 3-6 months, you can identify if some team members could use more frequent conversations or less. The frequency may not remain consistent over time but depends on each relationship.

How do we decide who needs more frequent touchpoints?

Determining how often to meet with team members can be challenging, as there is no concrete answer to this question. However, there are some trends that you can look out for to help you decide. 

If your one-on-one discussions consistently run over because they bring a lot to the meeting, this is a key sign that they could use more of your time. High-potential team members should get more frequent touchpoints so you can help them navigate the career ladders at your company. Additionally, if a person is working on a high-priority or high-stress project, don't neglect your top performers because you don't have much feedback. 

On the flip side, if a team member often doesn't have anything new to cover or you get through everything well before the end of the meeting every time.  This is a sign that you aren't pushing them hard enough, but that is a different topic ;). It is also a sign that reducing frequency would probably be OK.  Be wary if you always end a one-on-one early, especially when first starting out.  This can be a sign that you don't have a good relationship with the team member yet. Or it could mean that they are already disengaged from the team. I recommend sticking with a frequency for 3-6 months before deciding. 

Well Structured

A consistent format or agenda for one-on-one meetings with team members can help them prepare for the conversation and avoid surprises. While you should encourage your team members to take the lead in the conversation, it will be up to you to set the agenda since you are their leader. These meetings aim to discuss their experiences and career growth within your company. Ultimately, you should decide on a structure and agenda that works best for you and your team. Here's an example of a structure that I commonly use in my one-on-one conversations:

Notice that only 2 of the 6 topics are primarily driven by me.

Some Tips and Guidelines

Since one-on-ones can be broad conversations, practicing boundaries for yourself when leading a one-on-one is good. Below are some practices and guidelines I've developed for myself and recommend:

• One-on-ones are not project status updates. If your team member wants to discuss what is going on with the project, that is fine.  However, you should primarily be getting progress updates in another way.   This does depend on frequency and level. My current manager-level discussions cover a lot of project status because we also meet 1-2 times a week.
• Show and practice active listening. Dig into what they said by asking directed questions to get more information. Rephrase what they said to you. Put the digital distractions away!
• Ask more questions! Great leaders are curious; this is your opportunity to learn something from them.  How are they doing mentally? How is their workload? Are they working towards or achieving team and department objectives? What are they doing to achieve those? What could work better? What has been frustrating? What is going great? What are they looking forward to?
• Start with them. I often open my one-on-one meetings with a variation of "What is on your mind today?" Then, I follow up with additional questions to explore why that is important or how it affects them.
• What are their goals?  How can you clear roadblocks or make opportunities for them?
• Focus on open-ended questions. Start questions with "How," "What," "When," or "Where."  Yes / No questions will usually get you exactly that, a brief answer. "Why" questions tend to subconsciously put us on the defensive. Don't inadvertently derail the conversation by making them wonder about your intentions.
• Location is important. Where the one-on-one happens has an interesting impact on the types of conversations you will have. Try meeting in different places or going for a walk.  I'll cover more about this in another post.

Have the whole conversation!

Finally, one-on-ones are essential for building relationships.  Don't let them end early!  I know everyone is busy, and there are other things all of us could be doing.  Ending the discussion early will often indicate that one or both of you are disengaged, and this is a concern that needs to be resolved. If you run out of work-related topics, start learning more about each other's interests outside of work.

The most important thing you can do with your time is communicate with your team!

Wrapping It Up

One-on-one discussions are critical for the success of any leader in today's business world.  Ensure you set aside regular dedicated time to meet with your team one-on-one. Have a consistent schedule set well enough in advance that both you and your team can prepare.  Define a consistent agenda focused on them and their careers, then lead them through that agenda.

Get out there and fill your calendar with opportunities to communicate with your team!

Also, check out this guide for skip level one-on-ones.

If you are looking for help improving one-on-ones with your team, consider contacting me. Let's talk about how you can improve this skill.