One-on-ones with My Manager are Kind of Terrible
One-on-ones
should be your time to get advice on your career and goals. Share
your accomplishments from your perspective. Also, discuss anything you are concerned about or afraid of in your job or future.
Instead
of waiting for your manager to figure it out, take the lead and make this time valuable
to you. Use this post for some ideas on how to get the most out of this time
with your manager. You can turn these conversations into something you look forward to by working through some high-level steps. 1. Think about how you want
to grow/improve. 2. Drive the conversation based on your goals. 3. Follow up and ask for feedback.
A
Little Background on Your Manager
Before
we get too far, let’s explore a little bit about why they might not be good at
this. Most managers started as people doing the work, probably a similar job as
you. Often, they were promoted because
they were one of the best at that job.
Unfortunately, people usually move to management roles with minimal training. Remember, they are people doing their best, just like you. They
probably don’t have good examples of one-on-ones to lean on for experience.
One
more idea to keep in mind. Your manager
likely has many responsibilities, including the others who report to
them, the projects they are responsible for, and working through their career
goals. As a result, they may not spend much, if any, time thinking specifically
about coaching feedback for you. Likely, they don’t have any feedback for or about you.
Start With
a Plan
I assume that if you are reading this, you are looking for some kind of improvement or career growth. It is easier to get the most out of a one-on-one when you start with yourself. That could be about learning and development or feedback for your manager. Either way, make some dedicated
time to think about what you want to discuss during your one-on-one.
As
part of this process, take some notes or make a list of topics for your
manager.
Opportunities
for Learning and Growth
This
is your opportunity to get advice about leadership opportunities, a role
change, or a raise. Your goal for a
discussion with your manager is to be genuinely curious about what they see as
ways for you to improve. Ask questions that show you are eager to make
progress.
Here are some things to think about:
- Where do you feel like you are not giving your best?
- What skills do you want to use at work?
- What skills do you have no interest in using at work?
- When do you feel least enthusiastic about work?
- When do you feel most enthusiastic about work?
- Do you feel challenged at work? What would a challenge look like?
- What does your manager do well, and would you like to improve yourself?
- What recent interactions do you think you could have handled better?
- Would you like more leadership opportunities?
- Are you looking for a promotion?
Also, check out Hey Boss, Feedback Please!
Feedback
for your Manager
Sometimes, you may not be ready for learning, or there may be something else you need to see
change to improve your satisfaction. In this scenario, look to calmly bring
facts to a conversation with your manager. Often, these situations can have a big impact on your day-to-day life or, in some way, carry a fair amount of emotion
for you.
As
you take notes about this topic, think about how to structure good feedback. Take
some time to look at the SBI Feedback
Model or the STAR
Feedback Model. There are many ways
to structure input, and I find success with these. Following a structure will
help your feedback get a meaningful response from your manager.
Here are some things to think about:
- What are things you appreciate about our manager?
- What habits does your manager have that bother you?
- What are some things you are concerned about or worried about?
- What are you excited about or looking forward to?
- Are there members of your team doing a great job or did something you appreciate?
- Are there members of your team who are not meeting your expectations?
- Are you feeling too busy or overwhelmed?
- Where do you feel like you are excelling?
- What company/team processes are in your way?
Other Topics
to Think About
Sometimes, what you need isn’t about any of the topics above. In these cases, your manager can still offer valuable insight.
- Do you have questions about benefits?
- Can they walk you through a company process?
- Do they have insights about the team’s or company’s future?
Have
the Conversation
Now
that you are prepared, it's time to share your thoughts and questions with your manager. This is probably the hardest part because it requires you to express
your thoughts in an understandable and meaningful way.
Depending
on the feedback in your notes, you may be questioning if you should “bring
that up” with your manager. Your brain
is fantastic at bringing worst-case scenarios to the forefront. Please remember
that these conversations are always more difficult in your head. Lean on your preparation
and share your thoughts. After that, let
the conversation happen.
Remember these quotes from Susan Jeffers as you prepare for that next one-on-one.
“Remember that underlying all our fears is a lack of trust in ourselves.”
― Susan Jeffers, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”
― Susan Jeffers, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
A
Final Thought
If you are curious about other points of view about one-on-ones, check out this guide for managers: What Does a Good 1-on-1 Look Like?
If you could use some additional help figuring out how to get more out of your one-on-ones, or you are looking for a new perspective on your career development, reach out, and let's chat about how I might help.
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