You're Choosing This Job. Now Choose How You'll Work With It: Why Victim Mentality Destroys Technical Careers
TL;DR: Stop treating your job like something happening TO you and start choosing how you work WITH it to reclaim control and accelerate your career without changing companies.
I turned down a job that offered me a 50% pay increase.
The other company checked all the boxes on paper. Better title. More money. New challenges. But something in my conversations with them felt off. The culture did not fit. The way they talked about their team did not sit right with me. Even with the significant raise, I knew it would not be a better environment for me.
So I said no.
And then I had to sit with what that meant.
The Victim Mentality Trap: What Research Shows
According to research published in the journal Work and Occupations, employees with higher levels of workplace autonomy reported significantly better well-being and job satisfaction. But here is the paradox: victim mentality destroys that autonomy before you even realize you have it.
A LinkedIn study found that 10 common signs mark victim mentality in the workplace: constant complaining, deflecting responsibility, blaming others when things fail, claiming to be overworked, focusing only on enjoyable tasks, and refusing to look in the mirror to ask how your own actions contribute to problems.
I was exhibiting every single one of these patterns.
If I was choosing to stay at my current job with the micromanaging boss, the uncertainty about promotions, the projects that were not gaining traction, then I needed to stop acting like a victim of it. I could not keep complaining about being micromanaged while also choosing to work there. I could not keep being frustrated about not being promoted while also deciding this was still the best place for me.
The realization hit me hard: I am choosing to be here. Which means I also need to choose how I am going to work with the people here and manage my relationships with them.
Technical Visibility and Career Consequences
Research from ITD World confirms that workplace visibility is essential for career advancement. Leaders must be able to notice and recognize efforts and contributions to consider individuals for mission-critical projects, promotions, and career growth. But victim mentality creates invisibility by design.
When you treat your job like something happening to you, you make your work invisible. You wait instead of proactively showing what you have accomplished. You complain instead of translating your technical excellence into business language your manager understands.
Before my realization, I was stuck in this exact pattern.
I complained about not being promoted. I was frustrated that my projects were not gaining traction. I was upset about being micromanaged but felt like I could not do anything about it.
I waited for my boss to ask what I was working on instead of proactively sharing updates. When I did share, I spoke in technical language they did not understand. I focused on the value I wanted to create, not the value that mattered to them or the business.
I was treating my job like something that was happening to me. My boss was a problem I had to endure. The slow promotion timeline was unfair. The lack of recognition for my work was their failure to see my value.
But here is the thing. I was choosing all of it. I just was not acknowledging that choice.
The Research on Employee Agency
A study published in PMC examining job autonomy and work meaning found that job autonomy satisfies employees' intrinsic needs by providing a sense of control and achievement, which keeps employees motivated and enthusiastic at work. When employees perceive higher work control, they develop a high sense of responsibility and positive attitudes when facing opportunities and adjustments.
But you cannot access that autonomy while operating in victim mode. Victim mentality and employee agency are mutually exclusive.
Research from the University of Birmingham Business School found that employees with higher autonomy reported positive effects on overall well-being and job satisfaction. The study emphasized that autonomy gives employees control over their work, which increases their sense of competence and mastery.
Once I accepted that I was choosing to stay, I had to figure out how to work with the reality of that choice.
Choosing Your Actions: The Communication Shift
I changed how I shared updates. I started sending monthly presentations to my boss that contained a status update on every project with relevant data to show improvement. I stopped waiting for them to ask. I stopped speaking in technical language. I translated my work into outcomes that mattered to them and the business.
This was the beginning of what I now call the Show Your Work framework. I did not have a name for it back then, but the way I started communicating became the foundation of that approach.
Research on proactive communication and career advancement confirms this shift works. A study published in PMC found that managers evaluate employees' promotability by processing social information, including proactive communication behaviors. Research from California Lutheran University shows that communication skills connect directly to career advancement, with professionals who can frame ideas for different audiences often moving quickly into management roles.
I also intentionally started having fewer one-on-ones with my micromanaging boss. If a situation required a meeting, I always brought a peer along. I created buffers and structures that let me work effectively within the constraints of that relationship.
I could not choose whether my boss micromanaged. I could not control when I would get promoted. I could not force my projects to get more visibility.
But I could choose how I communicated. I could choose how I structured my interactions. I could choose where I focused my time and energy.
The Hard Truth About Choice and Consequences
Here is what research on workplace autonomy misses: You get to choose your decisions, actions, and words. You do not always get to choose the consequences.
When I chose to stay at my current job, it also meant I had to live with the consequences of a micromanaging boss and uncertainty about when I would get a raise or promotion. But I had to choose to find ways to work with that boss that did not feel negative for me. I had to find a way to be comfortable with my current career trajectory.
That shift allowed me to focus my time and energy on things that were ultimately good for my career, even if it took longer to get there. I stopped wasting energy complaining about things I could not control. I started investing that energy in things I could control: how I communicated, how I positioned my work, how I built relationships with peers and stakeholders beyond my immediate boss.
The micromanaging did not immediately stop, but improved with time. The promotion timeline accelerated as I improved how I shared information. Immediately though, I stopped feeling like a victim of those things. I felt like someone in control and making choices. Working within the reality of those choices.
What This Means for Technical Leaders Monday Morning
Research from Oak Innovation confirms that supporting employees means helping them shift from victim mentality to proactive engagement. But this research focuses on what managers should do. The truth is simpler: you need to do it yourself.
If you are complaining about your boss, your job, or your company, ask yourself one question:
"What choices are keeping me stuck with these frustrations?"
Are you choosing to stay? Then you also need to choose how you are going to work with the reality of that place. You cannot control whether your boss micromanages, whether you get promoted on your timeline, or whether your work gets the recognition you think it deserves.
But you can control how you communicate. You can control how you structure your relationships. You can control where you focus your energy. Or you can choose to look for a new job.
Stop treating your job like something happening to you. Start treating it like something you are choosing. And then choose how you are going to work with it.
Research Sources:
- LaMarsh Global: "Navigating the Victim Mentality in the Workplace"
- University of Birmingham Business School: "Autonomy in the workplace has positive effects on well-being and job satisfaction"
- PMC: "Job Autonomy and Work Meaning: Drivers of Employee Job-Crafting Behaviors"
- PMC: "Employee Proactive Personality and Career Growth"
- ITD World: "Visibility at Work: Key to Career Advancement"
- California Lutheran University: "Top 6 Communication Skills for Career Growth"
- Oak Innovation: "Understanding And Supporting Employees With A Victim Mentality"
What choices are keeping you stuck with these frustrations?
You're great at the work. Let's make you impossible to ignore.
Ready to stop complaining and start choosing how you work with your reality? Let's talk about building your Show Your Work framework: https://www.jessestaffordcoaching.com/lets-talk
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